October 19, 2014

Don't get your hamshtring in an uproar

Shtrickly speaking, we'll have to reshtrain our emotions until we can shtrand those shtruggling with Ebola in the Ashtrodome. This is no shtraw man. This is shtrickly on the up and up.

Chrishtians may be eckshtra helpful in dealing with this dishtressing problem. When people are too ill to shtride in by themselves, perhaps a willing Chrishtian will roll them into the Ashtrodome in a shtroller, using a long piece of shtring to avoid contact. Once inside, the Ebola-shtricken masses will essentially have to shtraddle two worlds. Will it be shtressful for them? Absolutely. Some victims might even have a shtroke -- but it's better than being out on the shtreet.

In the meantime, don't get your hamshtring in an uproar. Watch our shtreaming video to learn more about these shtrange times. We recommend you shtrap on your big-boy shoes, maybe eat a bit of shtrudel or some pashtrami at a reshtrant, listen to a little Shtrauss -- you know: de-shtress. Just forget about Ebola. (And forget about shtray bullets too, for that matter.)

But whatever you do, make sure you put eckshtra letters in your words.

(I swear I hear this pronunciation tchwelve times a day. Oy.)

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