Fake shroud marches on

VATICAN CITY (AP) — The Shroud of Turin has gone on display for a special TV appearance amid new research purporting to date the linen some say was Jesus' burial cloth to around the time of his death. 

The Shroud of Keith.

Jeebus. A "special TV appearance" by the Shroud! It almost makes you wonder if the Shroud has an agent (Scott Boras, perhaps). Even the new popeyguy sent a message to the Shroud's fans. Alas, he didn't say what they wanted to hear.

The Vatican has tiptoed around just what the cloth is, calling it a powerful symbol of Christ's suffering while making no claim to its authenticity. 

Francis toed that line Saturday, calling the cloth an "icon" — not a relic.

Many experts stand by carbon-dating of scraps of the cloth that date it to the 13th or 14th century. 

Ahem. Repeat after me: sideshow attraction. There you go!